Rules of Minecraft
by Cobalt Striker
Summary: Things you should know in Minecraft.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**Rules of Minecraft 1-10**

1. Do **_NOT_** dig straight down.

2. Creepers do not want hugs.

3. Lava's hot, dumbass.

4. Jumping off The End is probably a bad thing.

5. Stop making dicks everywhere.

6. 'Wood' jokes aren't funny anymore.

7. Endermen do not want staring contests.

8. Zombies wear armor. Remember that the next time you die with your Protection 5 armor on.

9. Diamond hoes are about as useless as solar-powered flashlights.

10. Zombie Pigmen have long memories.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**11-20**

11. Plan B is not 'more TnT'.

12. Nor is it 'more lava'.

13. Eating spider eyes is generally a bad idea.

14. When the wolves have glowing red eyes, it's probably a good time to run.

15. 'BallsDeep69' is not an acceptable username.

16. Neither is 'Luv2FucDics'.

17. Even if you have Fire Resistance, swimming in lava is still a bad idea.

18. Wearing armor enchanted with Thorns does not make you invulnerable to cacti.

19. 'Murder' is not a viable attack strategy.

20. Stop humping everything. It's not funny anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**21-30**

21. 'He looked at me funny' is not a viable reason for murder. Only Endermen can do that.

22. Brown-stained glass is not shit glass.

23. Yellow-stained glass is not piss glass.

24. White-stained glass is not semen-ok, this is going too far.

25. Putting mushrooms in a furnace will do nothing.

26. Neither will putting glass.

27. Nor sugar.

28. 'COOOOOOOOLAAAAAAAATEEEEEEEERAAAAAL DAAAAMAAAAGEEEE MAAAAN GOOOOO!' is not an acceptable battle-cry.

29. Gold does about as much protection as cardboard.

30. There are many colors in Minecraft. 'Darker than an African coal miner at midnight in space' is not one of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**31-40**

31. 'My Ex-Girlfriend' is not an appropriate name for your pet pig.

32. 'The Violator' is not an appropriate name for your sword.

33. Nor is 'The Anal Annihilator.'

34. Interbreeding between animals does not work. You cannot breed a bat and a giant. Please stop trying.

35. Just because someone is good with a bow doesn't mean he has Aimbot.

36. Decorating someone's house does not mean lava swimming pool.

37. Lava Tornadoes do not exist. Please stop trying to make it otherwise.

38. Fisting is not a synonym with punching.

39. 'Die in a fire' is not an invitation to set someone's house on fire.

40. You are not allowed to have lava. At all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**41-50**

41. The End is not made of cheese.

42. Endermen are not from Africa.

43. Building your lava city in a jungle/forest/anywhere with trees is a bad idea.

44. You are not allowed to have a flint and steel.

45. You are not allowed to have a potion of invisibility.

46. You are not allowed near other human beings.

47. Diamonds are NOT resistant against lava. Stop throwing them in there.

48. You are not allowed to name your giant 'Grum' or 'Dinnerbone'. How did you even get a giant?

49. You are not allowed near other living beings.

50. You are not allowed near other unliving beings.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**51-60**

51. When the Villager offers 5 flint for 2 emeralds, you probably shouldn't accept the offer.

52. You cannot replace all the blocks in the Village Church with redstone blocks and then sacrifice to Khorne inside the church.

53. You know what, no sacrifices whatsoever.

54. You are not allowed to make a giant sphere of sand in the sky and shout 'THE SUN IS FALLING!'.

55. Stop making animals mate for your amusement, you creep.

56. Just because there is a fire in the town does not mean you are allowed to flood it.

57. Lasers don't exist because there is a possibility that you might get one.

58. Walling off a Taiga biome at night with iron bars, and calling it 'Slender Forest' is a dick move.

59. Covering the sky in obsidian is not 'Artificial Night', it's a free ticket to jail.

60. If you hear the screams of a thousand dead souls, that's probably because of all the babies you've murdered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**61-70**

61. Going to the Nether is a bad idea, what with all the tormented souls trying to kill you.

62. Replacing someone's house with lava while they're asleep is not acceptable.

63. Nor while they're awake. How did you even do that?

64. Stop talking to other people. Our asylums are getting cramped.

65. Just stop talking altogether.

66. The Aether does not exist.

67. Technically, it does, with mods, but when you die, you wouldn't have gone there anyway.

68. Trying to milk baby cows counts as pedophilia.

69. When someone promises to eat your firstborn, it's probably time to run.

70. Unless you're looking in a mirror. In that case, please do so.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**71-80**

71. When you are asked to build a wall, lava walls do not count.

72. Having a house full of baby chickens does not make you 'a chick magnet'.

73. A Nether portal only requires obsidian and a flint and steel. It does not require 'Blood of the Innocent'.

74. Enchanting a snowball with Sharpness does not make it deal damage. How do you even make snow sharp?

75. You are not allowed to throw clocks from the highest mountain 'to see time fly'. It freaks out all the other normal people.

76. You are also not allowed to shove pigs off mountains. That's just a dick move.

77. When a crafting recipe requires 'Souls of the Damned', it's probably best to leave it alone.

78. Floating dicks are kind of a dick move

79. Floating dicks covered in lava only make it worse.

80. Floating obsidian dicks that are 50 blocks tall, covered in lava, sucking in the souls of the neighbors, and eating **_all my FUCKING POPTARTS-_**

Just stop. Please.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**81-90**

81. Getting cats does not mean you are 'acquiring pussy'. For you, acquiring pussy would be impossible.

82. Crafting farming tools does not mean you are 'the wielder of all hoes'.

83. Bringing an Enderman to Waterworld, is a dick move.

84. Baby Villagers are not midgets. Please stop implying that they are.

85-88. Places you are not allowed in: The Past, The Present, and The Future.

89. Placing sponge under the sea is retarded and will probably kill a lot of squid.

90. Blazes do not '420Blaze'. Stop offering them grass.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**91-100**

91. Lava can only make the situation worse.

92. 'Redstoned' is different from Redstone.

93. Baby Zombie Chicken Jockeys do not make great KFC.

94. Pouring Invisibility Potions on Creepers IS a dick move. A green, exploding, dick move for that matter.

95. You are not allowed to carry 1728 flowers 'for my sanity.'

96. Yes, there used to be a mob called 'Black Steve.' No, you are not allowed to speak about him ever again.

97. One Wither is bad enough. Two is even worse. Three, I mean, come on man!

98. You are not allowed to type /summon WitherBoss ~ ~ ~ {Riding:{id EnderDragon}} in the Command block. Bad things will happen. Very bad things.

99. Bedrock is NOT composed of beds and rocks.

100. And as always, don't dig straight down.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**101-110**

101. Perhaps the alien dimension containing eldritch abominations floating over the abyss isn't such a safe place to be in.

102. Nor is the dimension which could be easily summarized as 'Hell'.

103. If you mention circles ONE MORE TIME, your family dies.

104. Just because you can turn the End into an imitation of the Death Star, doesn't mean you should.

105. Don't ask why you can punch trees. Just accept it.

106. Naming your sword 'Your Mom'. Is not funny.

107. Especially when the death message says _ was killed by _ using 'Your Mom'. OK, it is kinda funny.

108. Changing the door opening sound to the creeper sound is NOT funny.

109. It is spelled 'Diorite', not 'Die, oh, right.'

110. Other people do NOT drop rotten flesh. Nor do they drop normal flesh. Do not test this.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**111-120**

111. Perhaps you should run when the flaming balls of death start to fly towards you.

112. Or, perhaps you should run when the minions of the god of time notice you.

113. You know what, just don't go in the Nether.

114. Shaders are useless when all you do is sit in the dark, muttering about drinking the blood of the innocent.

115. Instead of questioning why the Enderdragon has purple eyes, you should be running.

116. 'Let the Bodies hit the Floor' is not an acceptable theme song. For anyone.

117. Do not attempt to go to the Farlands. It is called the FARlands for a reason.

118. While punching obsidian DOES destroys it after a few minutes, it also destroys your mental health.

119. Nude skins are a menace to society.

120. Herobrine does not exist. Probably.


End file.
